Crisps or chips? It’s a question of taste. Or is it? If you blindfolded your average shopper and fed them a Walkers Crisp from the UK and a Lay’s Potato Chip from the USA, would the difference be more legible than the miniscule difference in brand logos?

We don’t have a dog in that fight. In the Gulf we say snacks.

In the Arabian Fishbowl (sorry, Persian Gulf) (sorry! Arabian Gulf), the cultivation of potatoes is a comparatively recent development. (Slightly more recent than the nation-state, but not by much.) In 1976, the SPDP (Saudi Potato Development Programme, of course) established a co-operative with the Netherlands to grow trial crops of Spunta, Ajax, and Diamante from Ha’il to Hufuf. Until then, the only tuber known to the Arabs had been Fugaa’, or desert truffle, an elusive but tasty treat. (Especially, it turns out, when roasted and salted.)

The graft took, and the taste for potato crunchies in the Gulf was stoked. Decades on, there are dozens of brands arrayed around the region, each with its partisans and apologists stoking national pride or exciting international longing, packing their spuds with flavor-crystal combos and sealing them into the shiniest foil laminates from Qingdao. Soft power with a crunch, you might say. (And a sprinkling of flavor-dust.) As a tween in Doha the only thing I knew about Oman was that they made the best potato snacks. Indeed, it’s difficult to imagine cracking a carton of Laban Up without a bag of Chips Oman.

Bidoun asks a not-so-random control group to taste-test a selection of potato snacks (and an arresting panoply of corn products) hand-picked from a variety of Arabian Gulf states.

We wonder:

Are Kuwaitis as naturally nice as their NICE brand natural potato chips?

Why do Saudi’s XL-brand salty snacks sport a distressed blue-jean theme?

Do discerning Qataris prefer “Mexican Cheese” or “French Cheese”?

And what do Hot & Sour BOY chips really tell us about Oman?

Let’s find out.

—Sophia Al-Maria

#1 — NICE: NATURAL POTATO CHIPS in CHICKEN and PAPRIKA FLAVORS, from KUWAIT

Michael C. VazquezThe Chicken does not inspire confidence.

Anna Della SubinIt smells like barnyard.

Yasmeen AlsudairyIt tastes like a bouillon cube.

VazquezI think it smells like a potato chip.

Sarah FanIt smells like a barnyard further away from your nose, and then when you get it in the nose it smells like a potato chip.

Sukhdev SandhuThis presents a challenge for the researcher, because who, when they are eating crisps, puts their nose into a package of crisps? It would take a really committed, politicized, olfactory anthropologist to do that.

VazquezI think it may turn out that capturing the essence of a bird and putting it in a chip is not going to smell fresh, under any circumstance.

Andy PressmanI think there is no chicken flavor at all in this.

SandhuIt’s chicken yet it has a bunny on the logo.

VazquezI don’t taste the bunny.

SandhuThe bunny is a kind of illegal immigrant.

Alsudairy[reading the bag] “It’s NICE to be a part of the family. It’s NICE to be NICE and to be proud of it.”

SandhuYou would think, with the gold package, that it would be more succulent or lush. Instead it’s kind of arid and desultory.

Alsudairy[opening the Paprika flavor] This one smells like palm trees. It smells like home.

Sandhu[reaching for the bag] Can I have a bit more? The colors are sort of electro-clash.

#2 — CHIPS OMAN in CHILI FLAVOR from OMAN

FanThese are kind of delightful.

VazquezThis whole endeavor began when Sophia al-Maria confessed that when she was a child, she knew nothing about Oman except that it is the place where delicious chips come from.

E.P. LicursiTo me it smells exactly like raw potatoes. It’s nice but unseemly for a chip.

SandhuLook, “This product is sold by weight. A certain amount of air is packed in each bag to act as a cushion against breakage.” That is like a “get out of jail free” for any crisp manufacturer. It’s not that we are skimpy or mean — it’s to prevent breakage.

VazquezBut there is something quite violent about the scene on the package. [A raised knife slices through a potato.]

SandhuThe package looks like capital punishment. With a kitchen knife.

FanCapital punishment begins at home!

SandhuThe logo looks like Santa Claus on top of a sheep.

AlsudairyNo, it’s the Sphinx and Big Bird.

VazquezThe magic combination is supposed to be Chips Oman and some yoghurt drink? Laban Up?

AlsudairyOh, that’s so good.

VazquezWait, these are chili flavor! It just hit me.

PressmanI taste it.

SandhuThe initial descent, because I think that is the technical word when you bite into a crisp, is a bit like opening up a battered old suitcase belonging to your grandparents. Old smells emerging, even though the clothes are sort of skanky and stinky — it’s a loving descent.

VazquezI think that’s another way of saying it smells like a potato.

LicursiExactly.

VazquezIt’s a bit early, but I’m nearly ready to say, “Sorry Kuwait.”

#3 — XL: FRESH POTATO CHIPS, SALTED and HOT varieties from DUBAI

AlsudairyWow. They’re made in Ha’il, a Bedouin city close to Iraq.

SandhuIt conveys the sense that it’s the early days and there’ll be oil forever. But you know, it’s just going to get depleted really quick and there will be a sense of real sadness very soon.

VazquezIs your point that we should go buy some American potato chips right now to cushion the blow?

PressmanI love how this package is designed to look like the back pocket of a pair of blue jeans.

VazquezOne flavor for when you’re wearing green jeans and one for when you’re in your blue jeans.

PressmanWhat I like is that it’s not the bag that is in the pocket, but the chips themselves. I am actually meant to stuff these in my back pocket and just pull them out throughout the day.

VazquezYou could never sit down.

PressmanThe flavor profile is flattened in all these chips, actually.

VazquezWhen you say flattened do you mean nuanced or lame?

PressmanJust flattened.

SandhuAre you saying these are MP3 chips, with a kind of taste compression?

FanAnd you only want lossless chips?

PressmanI do. But what is Antioxidant TBHQ? [Reading the list of ingredients] The cognitive gap between what this wants to tell me and what it tastes like is as far from what it offers as possible. That really could be a bag of potatoes.

SandhuIf this is natural, it makes you pine for artificiality.

AlsudairyThere is nostalgia for greenery, which the country lacks. This is something you would never find this scene. This is deception. Trying to be hip — no one would ever wear this in Ha’il. No one would wear denim and just walk around. This is like utopia for them… or dystopia, I don’t know. But I know this is not Ha’il, this acid-washed denim.

SandhuWhat areas of the world would you say this reminds you of?

VazquezLet me smell it again.

SandhuIt’s a bit like airport breath, isn’t it? You’ve been traveling many hours, you have a stopover, you come back and you stink in a boring way, and you have to go to a bathroom and brush up. These are crisps that have not had toothpaste.

LicursiOne thing I noticed in all of these is that each chip has a different distribution of powder: the second one tasted completely different from the first.

VazquezThat happens with Doritos, sometimes you get a really orange delicious Dorito and sometimes you get a shitty nothing Dorito.

SandhuIs it like the veil? It seems conformist on the outside but underneath there is far more tang and vitality going on.

VazquezAre we talking about Doritos?

SandhuNo, about the Phenomenon of the Second Crisp.

#4 — SALAD SNACK from the UNITED ARAB EMIRATES

Vazquez[reading packaging] It’s for an Emirati audience, the flavor is salad, and they asked the Koreans to manufacture it? I’m a little afraid.

SandhuCan tape recorders record radical skepticism? Because he looks…

LicursiHave you ever had those dreadful healthy puffs… not the Pirate’s Booty but the Veggie Sticks? It reminds me of that in terms of blandness. Vague saltiness and texture.

SandhuThe vegetables on the bag look like a child’s safety poster.

PressmanWhat I want is for it to absorb more of the moisture in my mouth.

SandhuIt’s not Pirate’s Booty, it’s Accountant’s Booty.

AlsudairyThe packaging looks honest.

SandhuThe instructions speak with a forked tongue…

LicursiIs it secretly Beef Fondue flavor?

VazquezWait, they are good at that in Korea!

#5 — RAJA POTATO CRUNCHIES in VEGETABLE and SALT & VINEGAR flavors from the KINGDOM OF SAUDI ARABIA

SubinThey look like decomposing penne.

VazquezThis looks like you turned over a rock.

SubinIt’s larval.

VazquezThey say they are the number-one potato crunchie, but it turns out words have no meaning.

SandhuThe expression on your face says “mass grave.”

VazquezThese snacks are extruded.

SandhuFailed infrastructure.

AlsudairyPeter, your face!

SandhuIt’s like a really expensive shopping mall.

VazquezPlease: everyone try one. So we can all be on the same page.

PressmanIt is not unlike an uncooked ramen noodle with the packet stuff spread on it.

FanI’m tasting salad.

LicursiI’m tasting cheap salad dressing.

VazquezI’m sorry, what’s the difference between salad and cheap salad dressing?

LicursiYou’re right, you’re right.

SandhuIt’s like a massage.

#6 + 7 — EMIRATES POFAKI versus QATAR PAFKI

SubinEmirates Pofaki: “Cheese Coated Crispy Corn Curls. Winner of the 17th International Food Award in Barcelona.”

SandhuIt’s almost like a cheesy ball.

VazquezIt’s a Cheeto.

FanIt’s a Cheez Doodle, my friend.

VazquezThis is unfortunately as close to packing material as it is to a treat.

SandhuIt’s like the taste of indifference.

VazquezQatar Pofaki — these are the worst.

SandhuThese are the taste of the new economy.

LicursiWeird corn flavor.

SandhuI think it tastes like golf.

#8 + 9 — FUNKEES Wild BBQ Curry and FONZIES Original Cheese Corn Snacks, both from Malaysia

SubinNow we have two Malaysian imports, Funkees and Fonzies.

SandhuSo far I feel like we have not encountered any fundamental otherness of crisp. There has basically been no topography.

PressmanYou haven’t been startled, is what you are saying.

VazquezI was startled by how good the Chips Oman were.

PressmanBut was that the startle of familiarity?

VazquezIt didn’t taste like anything else I knew…

AlsudairyOman has always been ambiguous. Look at its First Lady…

VazquezThe wild in Wild BBQ Curry is cumin, I think.

LicursiI don’t taste cheese at all.

VazquezMaybe it’s mislabeled?

PressmanOh it’s terrible! The aftertaste of this thing is actually wet sock. (I’m going to have one more.)

AlsudairyIt’s like the evil sister of blue cheese.

FanThe word gout is here on the bag.

LicursiFunkees — A+ for shape.

AlsudairyIt’s so eighties.

SandhuI wonder — if MIA had her own fashion label, would she design something like this?

VazquezThis is the first snack we’ve tried that I think could make me sick. It has too much going on, in a way. It could be toxic.

SandhuLike globalization. Oh, they also have Funkee Chicken.

AlsudairyThis is the naughty chip.

#10 — SAFARI GRILLS from DUBAI

SubinThese claim to be one of the oldest but most beloved flavors. Since 1985.

AlsudairyThe literal translation from Arabic is meshes of potato.

PressmanSafari grills? All this time I was waiting for safari girls.

SandhuSephardic girls? [laughter]

VazquezAre they meant to look like the front of your Jeep when you’re on Safari?

SandhuNo, no. I think they’re a bit like burqas.

VazquezI cannot even imagine what you are seeing right now.

SandhuBy eating this we are helping to conserve nature. There is an abandoned elephant telling YOU to keep YOUR city clean.

PressmanIt tastes less like potato than anything else we have eaten today.

SandhuPost-potato?

PressmanThis image looks like something I would have drawn when I was thirteen.

SandhuIt’s like a UFO in the shape of a saltshaker. No! It’s like a thought bubble.

FanIs this an existential question, like, which came first, the saltshaker or the chip?

VazquezIt is! I would like to think it’s the chips dreaming of being salted, since they’ve clearly not been salted enough. If I can say one thing about the entirety of all these chips: the stuff is not seasoned well.

SandhuThere is a sort of genetic fundamentalism…

FanDubai has so many British ex-pats, you would think they’d have livelier crisps market.

VazquezYou know, as PR for a region, this is terrible.

#11 — ALADDIN PIZZA CRUNCHIES from DUBAI

SubinThe pizza on this package comes complete with nightmarishly dripping cheese.

PressmanOn that green background to make it look… Oh wait, that’s lettuce!

LicursiI thought it was some kind of weird, cosmic, planetary swamp.

FanIt’s shaped like a lotus root.

VazquezIt tastes like frozen pizza.

PressmanThis is a very Lovecraftian pizza. Look at its dripping. WOW. What they did is incredible! They traced the outline of the pizza and then in Photoshop — they extended it for the drip. They would have been better off using yellow crayon.

SandhuIt’s awful!

PressmanIts most potent moment is when there is nothing left, and all you have is a presence that is not a presence.

SandhuIt’s melancholia…

PressmanIt haunts the edges.

VazquezIt tastes dead but dreaming.

SandhuThe mourning lasts longer than the relationship.